Standing before me
by WithLove x me
Summary: "I just wanted to disappear. I didn't mean what I said to her. I could never feel that way. This was a new type of pain, This must have been what betrayal felt like. When I told Clare what had happened with Lenore…and she didn't even want to look at me…is this how she felt? Like someone had knocked the wind out of you, and you just wanted to hide" Eclare! Always. xoxox


Hi guys! This is my first Degrassi fanfic…I hope you enjoy!

I don't own Degrassi…please review if you like it…i tried my best!

"It's Drew's…."

I squeezed my eyes. They burned. My cheeks, they stung. I was so angry. After everything we had been through, It was Drew's. Our epic romance... how could she throw it away like this? Every fiber of my being was filled with hatred, not for her, but for Drew. He took my Clare away. He took away my everything.

"Because it's Drew's…"

I smacked my forehead. I can't keep thinking about this. I swallowed hard, my lips were quivering. Closing my eyes, the scene kept replaying in my head.

"But…Eli…I love you..!"

Both my hands were covering my face, tears finally starting to release.

"I don't care."

How could I be so cold?

I just wanted to disappear. I didn't mean what I said to her. I could never feel that way. This was a new type of pain, This must have been what betrayal felt like. When I told Clare what had happened with Lenore…and she didn't even want to look at me…is this how she felt? Like someone had knocked the wind out of you, and you just wanted to hide. You felt sick, like you wanted to throw up. Like you wanted to give up…you couldn't trust that person. You were afraid of anything after that, what else could they say that could tear you apart.

Clare did forgive me. She finally understood, or so I thought. Maybe she was going for some revenge. Grumbling, I smothered myself with my pillow. Why did I make this so difficult? We could be together. She wanted to be together. I know she lied about Drew, I know he would always be involved. But…I could handle that, couldn't I? I could be with Clare, and have Drew be involved…I guess. He was the father to her child…

"Sickening…" I mumbled to myself.

"Clare is pregnant..with Drew's kid….." The very thought made me nauseous .

I wanted to scream. I had to be mature about this. These things happen. As much as I didn't want to believe it, in just a few months, my Clare would have a baby. With him.

Wiping the tears from my eyes, I rose from my bed. I did have to be at work in an hour, might as well wash and get ready.

I need to stop thinking about them. She's still Clare. She's still my 'Blue eyes'.

The steamy water was just what I needed. It was a small release. It felt like I was in there for an eternity, the comfort of a warm shower. Nothing felt better at this moment then some hot water on my face. The stinging on my face from my tears was finally starting to subside, my head was becoming more clear. I could think.

What was I going to do?

Would Clare eventually decide to be with Drew? To get married, raise their baby, buy a house? Would I be able to handle that?

Everything hurts.

I need you, Clare…but I guess you don't need me.

Coming out of the shower, I checked my phone. A missed call from Imogen, I'd call her back later. It wasn't important at the moment. Not a missed call from Clare. Not one in weeks.

Sighing, I put my phone down. I did bring this upon myself. She'd been trying to contact me, email, text messages, phone calls…facerange messenger…All those methods went unread. I didn't wanna bother with her, I was too angry. I knew I'd snap if she was calling to talk to me about Drew. He was the last person I wanted to hear about.

I'd been ignoring Clare's calls for a few weeks now, I'd lost count. She must have given up on any attempts of contact with me. As much as I loved her, and missed her…I didn't even wanna hear her voice. All I could talk about was her. Wether it was to Imogen, Bullfrog..Cee Cee… Everyone was sick of hearing about it. This was one of those times I'd needed Adam, my gosh how I missed my best friend. We could talk about close to anything. He was always down to listen, offer advice, and if I needed a shoulder to cry on, he was the first one at my door. Sadly enough, he was gone, too.

I was truly alone.

The day was going smoothly, I guess. A few customers, 5 at best. Easily doable. It kept my head straight, I could at least focus on work. Not on her.

And there it was, I was thinking about her again. This needed to stop, I couldn't think about her. It drove me insane. The love of my life, my Clare. Where was she? Was she sitting with Drew…eating lunch at Degrassi, planning out their future? I felt another head rush coming on, the burning of tears about to swell. It hurt, it truly burned all the way to my core. I was over thinking everything. Maybe I could get through to Clare, maybe I could apologize, maybe she would take me back. Maybe, together, we could raise that baby. I could be…that babies' father. I knew I could.

"Eli…." Murmured a soft, familiar voice. A sweet one.

The voice of someone I could call at a moments notice, if I just needed to vent. A voice I'd become quite fond of.

A small smirk grew across my lips, as I locked eyes with a certain bubbly brunette.

"Hey, Imogen." I greeted, with a small wink.

She waved quickly, hopping on a seat at the counter. "How are you?"

I assumed she wanted her regular order, a hot chocolate , with a special touch. Grabbing a mug from a nearby dish rack, I went to pour her a cup, adding a touch of cinnamon. Just how she liked it.

"I'm well, I suppose." I returned, placing her warm drink in front of her.

"Happy to hear that. I know these past few weeks have been anything short of misery for you." The pig tailed girl responded, sadness seeming to poke out of her usual bubbly tone.

"Oh, no, no. Far from it, Imogen. I'm doing swell. Perfecting my latte art, Going home after work , and going right to sleep . Having a summer back home is doing me so well." I rolled my eyes.

I could feel it, I could feel anger coming out. I wanted to control it, I wanted to keep calm. I bit my lip and continued, Imogen was always good at listening

"I could have been in New York, working at a coffee shop, and been taking some summer classes. I could have been getting my career started, been out partying every single night. Hooking up with some random chick, if I wanted to! But, no! I came back here, just to have my heart ripped out!"

I was now above a whisper, but below a yell. Enough for her to hear me, enough for her to sense the sudden aggression in my voice.

"Why did she have to ruin everything?! We had plans, a future! She threw it away!" Slamming my hands on the table, I quickly noticed the few people in the Dot had turned around to check out what the noise had been.

"All for that uneducated, worthless jerk of a president…." I exhaled, turning my back to her. She didn't need to see the tears I tried so hard to keep from forming.

I ran my hands down my face, biting my lip. A nervous habit that sure came out of nowhere quickly.

At that moment, I could tell Imogen's demeanor had changed. Her eyes suddenly wide, she repositioned herself in her chair, leaning more closely towards me.

"You don't know…do you?" She asked, her lips pulling into a frown.

"Know what?" I questioned, my senses slightly heightened from the blood now boiling.

I turned around and faced her, confusion was written all over my face.

"Come close…." She mumbled, barely above a whisper. She signaled me closer to her face.

I swallowed a small lump in my throat, coming closer to her. She was so close, I could feel her breath on my neck. It sent some small shivers down my spine.

Licking her lips quickly, she began.

"I…overheard Jenna and Ali…" Taking a deep breath, she continued.

I felt chills now all over my body.

"I don't wanna hear it…" I replied quickly, pulling away. "Please, stop. Imogen…I don't wanna know anything about Clare, or.._him…_"

"Eli, please…." She puled me back by my collar, pulling me closer to her. "Let me tell you…Please Eli, before you hear it from anyone else.."

Squeezing my eyes closed, I turned my face away from her. Exposing my ear to her, so she could tell me what apparently I needed to so desperately hear.

I could feel a panic attack beginning. My body becoming cold as ice. What could she possibly tell me? That Clare and Drew were officially a couple? That they decided to be together, raise that baby, and be a family. How cute, the president and his VeePee. My mind started to wander. To all the deepest parts I never wanted to even consider.

"Clare was wrong….Drew isn't the father….you are."

At that moment, I could feel my heart stop. My whole world had just collapsed…one single sentence just broke me into a million pieces.


End file.
